A Light

Thou who own a light...

A light to banish the evil doers...

A sacred light to cleanse and purify sin...

I surrender into Thee...

A Search for Happines

I am in a journey to search for happines!

I walked and gazed...

Studied the environment...

Looking for answer...

And, stopped...

Asked...

What actually a happines means?

Some say it is laughters...

Some say it is a feeling of freedom...

Some say it is a relieving feeling...

Some others say it is good health...

Many others say prosperity...

Would that be true?

Honestly, I don't know...

I ask myself, "are you a happy person"

I would say "yes"

But, can someone tell a true meaning of happiness?

I bet none can tell..

He could.. and I'd learn from Him..

A Reason to Breathe..

Thou there..

Out there in a place beyond...

Thou sit in a shimmering throne...

Blinding any eyes who dare to take even a tiny glare...

I knew Thou did..

I knew Thou still..

Even it's somehow vague..

I knew it barely..

I felt it deeply..

That Thou always..

Gimme the reason..

To Someone I will rely my life on...

To someone out there...

I don't know know you...

Yet, I know you are there..

Before I meet you,

Let me tell you that..

I might not be a perfect one..

I made mistakes..

I am a sinner..

I wanna make sure that you do not regret..

Having to put your trust..

Your love..

And passion on me..

I just wanna say,

I wanna work together..

I wanna trust you..

I wanna make you happy..

I know.. too naive indeed..

But, at least I am trying..

Cuz, I know I might not be the best guy in the world..

But, with all of my lackings..

I wanna be your last..

I wanna make you the last..

With His permission..

With all my heart,

A sinner..

Shall I?

Shall I?

Proceed?

Back off?

Go with the flow?

Surrender?

Run?

Face it?

I don't know..

I might just...

Be patience!

A light in the darkness...

You are a blessing...

You are a hope...

You are a reason...

You are a passion...

You are a spirit...

You are a light in the darkness...

I see a path..

I prayed and listened..

I called for His name..

I once thought I lost in the darkness..

I embraced it with faith and kept believing..

Lights will show me the path..

I sensed a pure heart..

Unspoiled faith and kindness..

Struck my head!

Realizing..

It is not the time to mourn anymore..

It is a time to stand up and move again..

Thanks God!

I can see a path again..

Happy...

I knock on my door..

Says me: are you there?

No one answered..

Wondering why, none answered?

Moment later...

I heard a calm voice saying:

Don't you worry child!

Everything's gonna be alrite!

Be happy! As always!

...

A Poison

Clouding my mind..

Clouding my soul..

Kept me from going..

Really hard to move on!

Why I have to be so in love?

Why I care so much?

Can I let go it all?

And face the reality?

I seek for the heart..

Yet, it is captivated..

A joy is what I wanna give..

A smile is what I wanna see..

Yet, tears is preferred..

I am being delusional..

I know it..

Yet, I ignore it.

Father, could you please!

Release me from its bind...

Let me touch you...

Let me touch you...

My spirit...

Let me embrace you...

My despair...

Let me grab you...

My hope...

Let me walk with you...

My future!

A joyful heart

A joyful heart is honest..

Is not something vague..

Is not made up..

It is pure..

Genuine..

And somewhat tender..

Bury in too deep

Bury in too deep..

Feelings and thoughts..

It would be just a hindrance..

To keep the feelings alive..

My door is shut..

Waiting for His grace to open it again..

It is shut so firmly..

As the scents linger..

But Father,

I do know that you heard me..

I'll be a better person..

I'll be a stronger one..

I have faith in You..

And, I do believe that you do provide..

So, help your son to bury his anxiety..

His delusion..

As I know you do..

You always do..

A truth to suffer

Was wondering, is this the truth?

As Father leads me to this agonizing truth...

Lustful love?
Indecent cares?
Or illicit warmth?

Suffering is undeniably real..

Was wondering if it does kill me inside..

What's so wrong with it?

How could I enjoy that so much?

Dear Lord, the ruler of faith and love..

Could I release this tension?

Could I bury these images?

The Warmth

May I ask you something, Father?

Why did it feel so warm?

Why did it feel so soft?

Why did it feel so tender?

Why I could really sense a real intimacy?

Why I could really feel your presence?

Why Father?

Why did you let me feel the Warmth?

Fight for what I believe

Wanna fight for what I believe..

For a fight is real..

For a fight is needed..

I might lose..

I might surrender..

But,

I will give a fight first..

A fair fight..

As I believe the fight is worthed..

The fight would not be in vain..

Fragile Heart

A fragile heart of mine..

Shattered by my ego..

Cannot be mended..

As I fell into a trap..

A delusional gate of thoughts..

Giving up is reality

A prayer from the heart..

Father,
Can I ask you a thing?
A thing that I do think is so wonderful..
A thing that I do think makes me happy..
A think that I do think comforts my soul..

Yes Father,
Is there any chance for me?
To get that thing..

Father, I would try my best..

No Father,
Happines and Joy is the one that I seek..

Yes Father,
I would be the cushion..
I would be the shoulder..
I would be the guardian..
I would be anything needed to be..
I give my all..

Yes Father,
I'm just a mere human..
I'll always need You to be by my side..
You'll always be the One giving me strength..

So Father?
Would you give me the thing?
The opportunity..
The one who would share all the feelings..

Thank you Father..

An Intensity

I do feel it..

It burns..

It hurts..

It is suffering..

I hope that you could put off the fire..

Yet, you feed it with more woods..

I do hope that I did not get anything..

Yet, you feed me with a hope..

It does hurts..

It does..

Such intensity..

But, once God opens the door for you.. no men can close it..

A quivering heart...

My heart is quivering...

Repeating the same sound...

Same rhytm...

Same beats...

Same name...

Craving for the same intention..

Same attention...

A mirror of deception...

I'm looking at the mirror of deception..

Where everything looks clear..

Where everything looks perfect..

Eventually,

It is all blur..

It is all flaw..

Break it apart..

Turn it to reality..

A mere deception I chased recklessly..

A contaminated inception..

A deluded perception..

Shall I keep chasing it?

Shall I let myself free from its bind?

What should I do Father?

Hope

A beautiful word Father has given..

A word so powerful..

A word so sharp..

A word so strong..

A word so meaningful..

A word so thoughtful..

A word so dangerous!

Give someone the word, and they will keep believe in!

Take it from them, and they will die!

A hope..

A single hope..

Enough to turn chaos into serenity..

Enough to bring doom for the realm..

The Wall

I stood against the wall..

So tall and sturdy...

It gave me whispers...

Its enchanting structure trapped me...

I shouted to it...

Shouted my admiration..

Shouted my desire...

Even my despair...

Not only once, but many times...

It smiled back...

No words came out...

Nothing...

Not even a single word...

This wall...

Wondering what happened...

It's all perfect on my side...

But, it just kept silent...

Kept its mouth shut...

Tight!

There must be something!

On the other side..

Sinner I have become!

God gimme your grace...

Father, forgive my soul...

I failed to honor your name...

Sinner, I have become...

I could not resist the temptation...

It's so delightful...

It's so lustful...

It's so meaningful...

Father, forgive your very son...

Help me to rise again...

In your Name...

Lustful Thoughts

I got a lustful thought of intimacy..

A lustful thought of affair..

A lustful thought of pleasure..

A lustful thought of calamity..

A thought so lust,

That is untameable..

That is gruesome..

That is intricate..

Am I wrong?

To have the thought..

To think about the desire..

To soak into the madness?

Sinful Desire

A sinful desire emerges from my inner soul..

Thinking bout abandoning the one I loved..

Clinging into the one I could possibly love..

A sinful desire is it?

A sinful desire indeed?

How could I know?

If you kept silence!

You kept being innocent!

I wanna move on..

Carry on..

Am I alive?

Am I alive?

When death is the one I seek...

Am I alive?

When living is not the option...

Am I alive?

When suicide becomes the only fantasy...

Am I alive?

When the living wants me to die...

Am I alive?

When pain becomes my soulmate...

Am I alive?

When suffering is the reality...

Am I alive?

I am alive...

I wish I were the Night

I wish I were the Night...

Howling in the silence...

Growling in the darkness...

Fearless and Fearsome...

Clouding the minds...

Controlling the souls...

Hypnotizing...

Bound the unbound...

Unlimited fantasies...

I wish I were the Night...

Among The Dark

Who am I?

Among the dark...

I'm nothing...

Can't be seen...

Who am I?

Among the dark...

I'm something...

Can't be dreamed...

Lost... and powerless...

Down... and surrendered...

True light I dreamt...

True night I slept...

Wanting and waiting...

For a miracle...

A mere concoction...

A sole conception...

A vague perception...

Among the dark...

I contemplate...

I corelate...

Among the dark...

I am vanished...

Dancing With The Devil!

I am dancing with the Devil...

Tapping my toes onto his floor...

Clapping my hands into his taunt...

Yelling loudly "gimme gimme gimme"

The passion of a fleshy desire...

The temptation of burning lust...

An endless earthly satisfaction...

Paradise of hedonic seduction...

A mere humble offering from the Morningstar, the so called Bearer of Light!

O my Holy Lord...

Spare this poor soul...

Spare this filthy creature...

I'm begging you please...

Please give me ur wisdom...

As I am weak and powerless...

...

A plane to catch...

I would like to catch a plane...

A plane that would take me to a wonderland...

A plane that would take me to a promised land...

Would that be one?

There should be one!

Such optimism for delusion...

I'd prefer drunk and sunk...

Logic can never beat believe...

Rationality is lost against brute fanaticm...

Yet, still I wonder...

Where can I catch the plane?